Tag: yoga

Fear Not! Everything I need to know I learned in yoga

On By Jenni's CornerIn MusingsLeave a comment

Friday night was the Winter Solstice, otherwise known as The Longest Night. As I sat up late into the evening staring out the window — unable to sleep — thoughts, worries, lists and projects raced around my head faster than an Indy car on Race Day.

I’ve been waking up early. 4:30am to be exact. My cat loves it … the extra time with me seems to be high on her list in the early morning darkness. The last couple days, when I might have slept, she leapt from the bed and meow-ed with vigor. Saturday morning, I ignored her though. It had taken me a while to nod off. And I slept til a record-breaking 7:23am.

As I sat up Solstice night, gazing out my living room window. I thought of the Christmas Story … you know, the one from Luke about Mary, Joseph and the Baby. And the Shepherds. They too were up late into the night. They too could not rest. They too had a lot on their mind, all those crazy sheep blurting and meandering about, needing to be watched and guided all the time.

They were tired. They couldn’t sleep. And I bet they were pretty anxious too.

This time of year always heightens my anxiety. So much to do. So many plans and things I want to do, along with the stuff that has to get done. My new job is amazing, but brings an intensity that I’m still learning to balance. I remain calm all day long, only to come home with projects and steps left undone to taunt me. And then there’s all the normal stuff that needs to be done, and the Holiday stuff, and the people and relationships that fill my mind with words unspoken and limited time to be with them despite my best attempts and wishes.

Yep, I have one Michael Andretti car mind!

I don’t do therapy to help me manage my anxiety. I have … and I absolutely endorse finding support and help when you’re struggling. There’s no shame in reaching out — no stigma attached to therapy. But me, I’ve found another source of strength to help … to guide me down from the ledge.

It’s yoga.

In that spirit, I dedicate this post to those instructors — my yogi-therapists — who have provided me with so many valuable tools to get through the longest nights … Much love and gratitude to Brittney, Sarah, Matt, Rob, Emily, Becky and most of all Suzanne and Marty.

Do you remember that Robert Fulgrum book: Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten? Well, as I rolled up my mat after a MUCH needed yoga session Saturday morning, I realized the same principles applied.

Let me pontificate a bit … 😉

  1. Offer your best and let go of the rest.
  2. No matter how hard the pose is, the difficult moment will end. Really.
  3. And, that difficult moment IS really only a moment. I know it seems like forever in the middle of the night when worries dance around your head like sugarplums or when you’re trying to make it thru chair pose and your legs are shaking so hard you don’t know how you can hold it one more second. Yes, it seems like an eternity. But, that really hard pose — that really difficult “whatever” that is making you anxious — lasts only a moment.
  4. Be yourself. Do your yoga. No one is looking at you and comparing their half moon pose to yours. Seriously, they are just trying to hold the balance themselves!
  5. Child’s pose is always an option. Retreat. Restore. No one will judge you for that. A yoga mat is 24″ x 68″. It’s your Shelter. What you do there is about you and no one else.
  6. Breathe …. that’s really what yoga is about. No matter what comes your way … what pose is thrown at you or what challenge you encounter or what difficulty sends your spirit reeling. Just Breathe.
  7. Balance is difficult. Balancing is really frickin’ hard. On the mat. Off the mat.
  8. Accept yourself and what you offer. You are the best you. Release judgement and celebrate your amazing-ness.
  9. Be present.
  10. Close your eyes. Release. Let it go. Yes, you can.
  11. Choose your mantra — your focal message. Focus on it during the easy poses. Focus on it during the hard ones.
  12. Shaking in a pose is really just your body requesting strength.
  13. If it hurts … if it causes you to lose it, don’t do the pose. Getting upset because of a yoga pose is not worth it.
  14. You never really know what’s coming next. Each class — each hour, day, week etc brings the unknown. You may think you know what’s next in the flow … but you really can’t predict it. All you can do is Breathe and take one pose at a time.
  15. Know your truth. Honor who you are. It really is enough.
  16. You aren’t alone. The room is surrounded by people and a supportive energy. Accept its help when you need it. Offer your energy and help to others … they just might need it too.
  17. The real yoga begins when you walk out the door.

Tonight is a full moon. The night after the Solstice. I grounded myself today in yoga. I’m in a good place. But tonight, my sleep may still be is disrupted. The unexpected might hit me. And in the darkness of the night, my mind will bring a forest of dragons.

But tomorrow there is will be yoga. Last night, I went down to do some yoga on my living room floor. And I discovered my son was up too … he couldn’t sleep either. We offered each other a Hug of support and a smile. Whatever kept us up, well, it would pass. Eventually.

The Shepherds weren’t alone either that night outside Bethlehem. The sky filled with Angels … angels who had been there for them all their lives but chose to reveal themselves and their message that first Christmas Eve.

“Fear Not! For behold, I bring you tidings of great joy which will be to all the people …”  Luke 2: 10 (Note the Angels didn’t’ say “some” people or a specific people but ALL people.)

So,  I go to yoga. And I remember all I really have to do is Breathe. I don’t know what’s coming next. Just when I settle in to a pose — I LOVE Triangle — half moon, airplane, majorette and those balancing challenges come at me. My legs are shaking and I’m trying to remain calm. I wobble. I fall. But I can be brave … like the Shepherds. I can remember that even on the darkest night, Hope is vibrant and real. 15622378_10154940299278746_5524850999491036628_n

And I find calm. Or, rather, I choose calm. I’ve offered my best. Whether it’s good enough for someone else or this crazy world is sort of irrelevant. I can only be who I am.

So, maybe  I should say … All I really needed to know I learned in Yoga … and the Bible.

Namaste … and Merry Christmas.

                                                                                                                              Jenni

nothing to say

On By Jenni's CornerIn Musings2 Comments

I haven’t written much lately.

That’s not exactly true. I scribble words in my journal, using either a super sharp poke your eye out pencil or a Uniball .5 micro blue pen. But my journals accept words I don’t publish. Just rambling thoughts, musings, frustrations, hopes, desires, annoyances, dreams, fears, etc.

Here in “the Corner,” I try for deeper thoughts. I try to Create something that might make my readers, followers, friends or people who just stumble upon my writing … Think. I seek to offer a message that might have value to someone. Might resonate or inspire.

Lately, I haven’t felt very inspirational. I haven’t had any lightning bolt ideas that I felt were share-worthy. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed in my own personal life. I’ve gone through some ups and downs. Losses. Changes. Difficult moments. Oh there have been joys and exciting happenings too — a color-coded calendar of pretty cool stuff happening to me and around me, along with my family. I have events to plan and projects to do. Lists to complete. And I’m doing workouts and yoga classes that are really awesome yet don’t seem to get my abs to behave quite as well as they did before 50.

Anyway, I have “Stuff.” And sometimes the Stuff gets in the way of my writing.

But last night at yoga as I did that Boat to Low Boat pose until I was pretty sure death was near, I accepted that the “Stuff” that makes me crazy, stressed, happy, sad, frustrated, hopeful, angry, out of breath, depressed and excited is the REAL stuff that life is made of.

It’s not all Unicorns and Rainbows, people.

No matter what appearance I may present, I am a Hot Mess. We all are, really. We all have “Stuff” and my “Stuff” tries to block my visits to the Corner. It says to me, your words are not worthy. Keep them to yourself. It tries to hold me back.

But life is about curiosity even though you might fall down the rabbit hole and finding joy and laughter as the rain pounds down against your skin. It’s about jumping in puddles made by that rainstorm and being happy in that moment. It’s defined as much by how you work through the darkness or the restlessness or the change or the unkindness or the loss as by your smile when the living is easy. Be honest. Those times when you are blissful and grounded or when you’ve got it all together and feel balanced and at peace are rare and fleeting. Oh, like Maria, you get to that top of that mountain and spin around. But then something throws you and you’re right back fighting dragons — or Nazis and seven unruly kids.

But that’s another story.

Anyway, I’m coming to terms with the fact that Life isn’t about Keeping It Together. Cause you can’t. Life is about enjoying moments and nuances within the Crazy, Stressful, Busy, Uncomfortable or Difficult. Personal satisfaction and peace come from breathing and knowing that no matter how long it may seem you reside in the darkness, there is Light all around. You just have to open your eyes and see the beauty in the midst of the thorns.

See, It’s kinda like a Rose. A Rose is extraordinary. It starts small and then opens up into a full bloom with dainty, soft blossoms. But when you reach out and touch it, you may be pricked by a thorn. That thorn doesn’t make it any less beautiful. It just makes it Real.

So, I guess I had something to say after all. My Block that kept me out of the Corner was my own fear of allowing myself to become vulnerable and real. To admit I’m a Hot Mess. To say, at times I’m sad, lonely and depressed. At times, I just don’t have it together. But if I can’t say it in The Corner, where else can I say it?

It may not be profound. But though it’s hard, I’m gonna keep doing the Low Boat to High Boat yoga pose in an effort to train my abs. And I’m gonna continue to be busy to my corners and find joy as I dance in the rain.

I may never find smooth sailing out there. But I’m gonna accept, grow and sparkle in spite of and because of what I find — good and challenging — as I ride out the waves.

— Jenni

 

 

on my yoga mat

On By Jenni's CornerIn Musings2 Comments

When I roll out my Yoga Mat, it’s not just about exercise. Rolling out my mat begins an emotional, physical and spiritual journey every time.

I started practicing Yoga about five years ago. Like many in today’s society, I was battling some anxiety issues. My doctor suggested Yoga might help. At first, I practiced at home using DVDs, which were surprisingly inspiring. Then, one day, I found a Groupon for The Yoga Shelter where my practice truly began.

There are various ways to practice yoga and many “flows.”  I prefer Slow Flow, which is exactly what it sounds like. You slowly move from one pose to another, building strength in lengthy holds and breathing patterns along the way. Lately, though, I’ve become a little more adventurous and tried out Fusion, which combines Slow Flow with some faster “flows” that you memorize and process on your own. But mostly in yoga, I try to Not think or control, since that’s one of my personal challenges.

When I began classes at the Shelter, I found myself fixated on the music and how it made me feel. I downloaded music I heard into my Yoga Mix. Now, I don’t notice the music as much. But I do gravitate to specific teachers — Brittney, Marty and Suzanne — and find their classes the best fit for me personally. See, for me, yoga is more than exercise … it’s a transformative experience. The teachers guide you in poses, yes. But they also help you set an Intention at the beginning of class, and guide you through the hour. They help direct your thoughts and both your physical and spiritual exercise. They present ideas that flow with you as you practice.

Today as part of the class, Brittney mentioned the 3 Cs of Yoga. And, during the next 60 minutes, she explained them. Concentration, Consistency, and Cooperation. You Concentrate to remain present, prevent your mind from wandering and to build focus. You practice Consistently to become stronger emotionally, mentally and physically. And you Cooperate with your fellow yogis, adding your energy to the room and inspiring each other.

cropped-img_8686.jpgBut for me, there are 5 Cs. Next comes the Calm … in a difficult pose, I shake. Sometimes I even fall. Sometimes balancing is too difficult. Sometimes I can’t do a specific pose. Instead of becoming impatient, I work on cultivating a Calm response, And that’s something I seek to take from my mat into the world after class … a Calm response when stuff doesn’t go my way, when I struggle or when I fall.

And next I work on one of the most difficult things for me.The Fifth C. Reliquishing Control and Letting Go.

Ask anyone, they will tell you that I am a Control Freak. Giving up control makes me Nervous. I mean, how can I be sure my son will finish that project if I don’t check in and get regular updates? How can I tell if my daughter is ready for her test if I don’t ask? How can I know the showers will get cleaned if I don’t remind my husband? How can I get that invitation to the party, play or event if I don’t show my interest and convince them I want to be there? How can I be sure I’ll get a call or text if I don’t reach out? How can I get the part if I don’t prepare? How do I know what’s going on if I don’t ask? How do I know things will go the way I hope they will go if I don’t do something to make it happen?

See, Letting Go is pretty much the most difficult thing for me. I’m sure Idina Menzel’s famous tune is known to all. Well, it’s my Theme Song. I have an Elsa watch and three charms on my Pandora bracelet reminding me to “Let It Go.”  I have songs on my iPhone focusing on Surrender. I use essential oils like Release and Surrender to encourage that peace somewhere deep inside me that will finally allow me to do just that.

On my yoga mat is where I do a lot of my work. I meditate before class. And there, I remain calm and even laugh a bit at myself when I fall out of balance. There, I am learning to Let It Go. There if  the pose doesn’t go the way I’d hoped, I can remain calm. On my mat, I concentrate, practice consistently and cooperatively share my light with the class.

So Brittney, there are 5 Cs to Yoga. And it’s the 5th C that causes me the most challenge … and keeps me coming back to your class to practice again and again and again.

Maybe one day, I’ll get it. But for  now, I remain calm and just keep practicing …

Namaste.

                                                                                                                                   — Jenni