It’s Christmas Eve day. There are four of us here … five if you count Ellie the cat, who assures me by her 6:40 am wake up meows that she should be counted.

I’m playing Christmas tunes, Pentatonix to keep the mood peppy. I’m wearing my Christmas hat, my new confetti sweater and my Christmas Carol mitts. And there are enough Christmas cookies in this house to feed a small nation.

I’ve watched all the movies. I’ve sent Christmas cards. I’ve put out ALL the decorations and wrapped up presents. But something is just … off. In a year where nothing happened that was expected, this Christmas seems … strange.

My daughter laments that something is missing — she can’t find the “Spirit.” She’s worried that once all the gifts are opened there will be nothing to look forward to. Like me, she’s searching for something.

Christmas is messy this year. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss gathering together in any size group outside of my four person “bubble.” I crave the random, spontaneous outings for drinks and fries to some establishment where I don’t need to make a reservation at an outside location — an outing where I won’t freeze before I finish my beer.

I miss smiles, though I appreciate the creativity of mask-wear designs. I miss hugs. And I’m pretty much over Zoom, FaceTime, YouTube church services and “social distancing.”

Normally at this time of year I’m advocating that we need time apart — a Silent Night to catch up and enjoy some alone time to reconnect with our spirit. Now I’m so restless and tired of Netflix and solitude that I find myself longing for a jam-packed schedule and a list that requires checking twice.

2020 Christmas, the messiest yet.

Nothing is as it “should” be … but … as I sit here and reflect on the many who find Christmas empty and stressful, perhaps it’s the Holiday we needed. The Christmas we slow down and remember the meaning and message behind this holiday season. Perhaps 2020 is the year we look around and remember who we love — why they are important to us. The year we decide what really matters and put it first. The year we look beyond the tinsel and find something we’ve overlooked …

No, this Christmas is not the Norman Rockwell version. But, if we’re being honest, how many of us ever had that Christmas? Isn’t that really just an unrealistic image that many of us feel we must aspire to or Christmas will fall flat?

Christmas has always been messy — even before a pandemic sent us scrambling and separating. There were always family disagreements or discrepancies about how we should do something. There was always a moment when we — or someone in the family — needed a time out in the corner. There was always a feeling that we “should” do something or feel something.

This year, we find ourselves where we are. Separated from so many and gathering only with those who exist in a very limited, exclusive bubble. We can thus choose to make the most of these moments …. to take time to recognize that we are blessed to have our select few by our sides. The Covid-19 pandemic left many empty chairs in the corner and lonely hearts, and it isn’t done with us yet. This Christmas reminds us is that life does not always follow the expected rules … togetherness is not guaranteed. We need to do our best to make every moment meaningful. We need to love unconditionally and tell those we care about how important they are to us without delay. We need to find the “Spirit” inside our own imperfect, caring, supportive hearts and share it with those we love.

Norman Rockwell wouldn’t know what to do with a pandemic. LIFE magazine would have featured a lonely albeit very perfect turkey with no one to enjoy it. And probably someone would have left their mask on the table.

So, instead of struggling with the idea that our Christmas is missing something or we aren’t doing enough or the right things, take a moment or two to look at what surrounds you … messy though it might be. Incomplete, perhaps, but resplendent with everything you truly need right at this moment. Draw close to those in your bubble and remember to reach out to those far and wide — even if you have to have Happy Hour by FaceTime or chat over Zoom. Conor consider crafting a hand-written letter — a small action to remind them that they matter.

We long for fewer silent nights right now and more busy sidewalks and clatter on the lawn. Yet perhaps this Christmas — as we are forced to slow down and stay separated — we discover what truly matters during any Holiday season.

The people we love.

God Bless Us Every One.

Jenni