I see her regularly. This woman who feeds the birds.

There’s this old church next to Orchestra Hall. It’s padlocked and closed but maintains a certain majesty with its large decorative windows. As I walk down the alley to the Stage Door entrance, I hear the little birds. I hear them even during the winter. I look up to see them fly by me. Nature busy at work, their little chirps a music as lovely as that created by our musicians.

I noticed her there, tossing birdseed and breadcrumbs to the birds. I didn’t look too closely at first, in my haste to get to work. I was running through my to do list in my mind. But then, I began to see her more and more. I found myself looking for her.

She wears a tan coat and pants. Boots. A hat. No gloves. I’ve seen her carry nothing but a bag of bread and the birdseed.

At first she didn’t make eye contact. Just looked at her birds and stood quietly to tend them. But more recently I smiled at her, said good morning. She smiled back with a childlike delight sparkling in her eyes. Only recently did she speak to me. I wonder if anyone else speaks to her.

We spoke of the birds. How she has to be on time to feed them. How she can’t be late. I watched her toss the seed and the birds came to her. It felt so similar to that scene in Mary Poppins. You remember, the scene on the steps of St. Paul’s where the bird lady calls out to invite those busy people passing by to stop, buy a bag of seed for a tuppence and feed the birds.

Last Thursday it was so cold and there was snow. I worked from home — my warm home. But she was on my mind. I wondered if she had anywhere warm to stay. If she was out there in the cold and snow, feeding those birds. And what I could do for her.

I don’t know if she’s homeless. I don’t know where she goes after feeding the birds.  One day, driving in, I noticed her walking down the sidewalk on Woodward Avenue near a coffee place my son and I enjoy. I so just wanted to buy her a cup of coffee and sit with her … talk with her. Hear her story. Share my lunch with her. Her smile is so bright. And her care of those birds warms my heart.

But sharing a smile and a few words with her just doesn’t seem enough … though I wonder if anyone else talks to her. I wonder if anyone else really sees her.

Now each morning I look for her. But, I haven’t seen her in since that day nearly a week ago. I packed up a spare set of mittens, a scarf and a hat that I knit — I want to give her something I actually made — as well as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I carry those with me. I also bring a bag of bread for her to share with the birds. Since that seems so important to her, I wanted to give her something to share with them too.

I wonder about her life. I wonder what brought her to that alley. What sparks her heart to feed those birds. What her story might be.

I arrived earlier this morning — hoping to catch her. But as I walked from the parking structure, I noticed that the bread and bird seed had already been scattered. She was gone. I’d  missed her. But the birds hadn’t. They hopped about happily, enjoying their special treat. She’d been there for them. I just wonder … who’s there for her?

With a sigh, I headed down the alley. It was then I saw an older man, bending down to pick what looked like an old orange from the ground. He had a backpack on his back. Gloves and a hat. And he wore a tattered black coat. So, I stopped to say hello. He glanced up, surprised. I handed him the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had made for the bird lady. Then, he told me that was just what he needed — and he smiled. I wished him a good day and continued my walk down the alley.

What can we do about the bird ladies? Will a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a few words be enough to support a weary, wandering soul? I don’t know.

But I’m going to pack a sandwich every day now, offer what I can and try.

  — Jenni

I’ve always found myself fascinated by Alice in Wonderland. Even as an adult, I am drawn to her. The 2010 Alice with Mia Wasikowska and Johnny Depp is one of my favorite versions. Yet I vividly recall a TV movie I watched once upon a time that convinced me that I too could find my way through a mirror into this enchanted, seemingly nonsensical land.

I’m still looking, by the way.

I’ve read both of Alice’s Adventures many times. I own several copies of the books and Alice images surround me. (My 2020 Mantra is #Muchness — to be explained later, I promise.) What is it, though, about Alice and that crazy trip into a world where nothing on the surface seems to make sense that inspires curiosity? Might it be that there’s more down the Rabbit Hole than a first glance suggests?

I’m embarking on my own exploration, leading an Adventure down the Rabbit Hole and Through The Looking Glass. It’s high time to sort thru what on the surface seems to be mad but just might be the very best advice that I’ve very seldom followed.

Let’s begin at the beginning, shall we? Alice 101: The fearless Adventurer. In other words, Alice – The Original Restless Spirit.

Have you read it? If so, you know how it begins. Alice sits with her sister outside on a beautiful day under a tree. Her sister is reading a book. But Alice is growing tired of just sitting there. Butterflies and birds fly around her. Her cat Dinah plays with a ball of yarn. She glances around to look at her sister’s book — wondering what makes it so interesting and deserving of her attention — only to discover that the book has no pictures and no conversations.

“And what is the use of a book” thought Alice,  “without pictures or conversations?”

What indeed? And THAT is the first clue about Alice. She’s a Restless Spirit.

Not everyone is. Some people are content to leave their home each day, traveling to work by the same route, listening to their regular radio station and glancing out the window to look at the same sites.  They sit at their desks, processing through similar projects day after day — following that same to do lists year after year. They return home at the end of each day and easily settle down in front of the TV or putter about their home, finding satisfaction in this regularity. They enjoy a comfy chair and predictable lifestyle, never looking around to see if there’s a White Rabbit running by with a pocket-watch.

Then there are others. The Restless Spirits out there. The Alices. They approach their days differently, recognizing that a mundane lifestyle is not quite enough. They are curious and seek to try new things — even if it might cause them to struggle or fall. They sit for a while, reading a book — ones selected carefully with ideas or thoughts to fully engage imaginative or inquisitive minds — but still take the time to look up to notice what’s happening around them. They don’t follow the same routine day after day. They are open to connecting with others, learning new things and exploring opportunities and experiences out of their comfort zone. Then, quite suddenly a White Rabbit checking his pocket watch runs by and captures their attention, changing everything.

Well, perhaps it’s not a “white rabbit.”

But the situation is the same. How many of us have the intention to do something — exercise, clean, write, balance our checkbook, read that book on our shelf, work, make a doctor appointment, fix a leaky faucet or whatever — but pick up our phones only to find the time intended for something constructive sucked up gazing into someone else’s life, looking at their photographs or browsing postings? Reading, writing, cleaning, balancing the checkbook, exercising, working, making that doctor appointment or fixing the faucet are important to us. However, we can find ourselves distracted … seeking something … more.

Like Alice, there are individuals not fulfilled by life without conversation and pictures, that is to say active adventuring, exploration, learning and trying new things, creating something unique and making memories of their own instead of voyeuring into the world of others. Individuals who seek something extraordinary or different to excite or engage them. Instead of sitting quietly, they seek to find ways to manage their restless nature. They struggle a bit. It’s so very easy to make questionable choices in an effort to add conversation and pictures into what may feel to be a dull book. Heck, Alice fell down a Rabbit Hole due to her curiosity.  

For those Restless Spirits out there — the Alices of the world — focus is challenging. Finding contentment in the simple things is possible, but Restless Spirits are not easily satisfied but are innately curious and seek Adventure. I’m not quite sure what the solution is. Perhaps, like Alice, they need to find their own Wonderland and explore opportunities and experiences others might never deem necessary. A cake decorating class, a book club, a dance class, a vacation to somewhere new and different. Perhaps they should learn a new language or sign up for a zipline and hike into the mountains. Or perhaps getting out to a movie or other such outing with a friend will nurture their spirit.

Perhaps it’s trying the difficult yoga pose in a class and falling out of it, only to laugh at yourself and try again.  Perhaps it’s taking a new job or accepting an assignment that takes you out of your comfort zone. Perhaps it’s auditioning for a play or signing up for a sports team or a vocal group to explore aspects of yourself you rarely let out into the light.

Restless Spirits need to work harder at staying present — at quieting the mad monkeys screeching in their minds. Perhaps they opt for a Zumba class for a change of pace, focusing their minds on following the instructor’s lead instead of the mutterings in their minds. Perhaps the solution is finding a book that truly intrigues or informs — perhaps on CD or Audible — or an activity that demands full focus, like ice skating or skiing. Coloring books and music can soothe the restless mind.

Alice was a Restless Spirit. Perhaps that’s one reason why I’m so drawn to her because — I have to admit — so am I. I’m constantly working on ways to constructively and creatively channel my busy mind and curious, adventurous soul. Walking into a bookstore or a yarn store is dangerous for me. No matter how many books or projects I have, there is always something to draw my eye — a new adventure — a new challenge. Meditation and yoga help me focus. And a notepad and paper by my bedside provide the tools I need to remove the madness from my mind until I can address it later. I journal a lot by candlelight, cup of Tea by my side.

There are times I’ve ventured too close to the Rabbit Hole and fallen down. But in that fall, I’ve also encountered wonder-filled moments, interesting characters, tasty cakes that demand to be eaten, people I will never forget, and unexpected adventures of discovery and joy. I’ve always been Curious. Like Alice, a book with no pictures engages my mind for only so long before I …

Wait … was that a White Rabbit carrying a pocket watch? I’m sorry. I need to go …

                                                                                              — Jenni