Friday night was the Winter Solstice, otherwise known as The Longest Night. As I sat up late into the evening staring out the window — unable to sleep — thoughts, worries, lists and projects raced around my head faster than an Indy car on Race Day.

I’ve been waking up early. 4:30am to be exact. My cat loves it … the extra time with me seems to be high on her list in the early morning darkness. The last couple days, when I might have slept, she leapt from the bed and meow-ed with vigor. Saturday morning, I ignored her though. It had taken me a while to nod off. And I slept til a record-breaking 7:23am.

As I sat up Solstice night, gazing out my living room window. I thought of the Christmas Story … you know, the one from Luke about Mary, Joseph and the Baby. And the Shepherds. They too were up late into the night. They too could not rest. They too had a lot on their mind, all those crazy sheep blurting and meandering about, needing to be watched and guided all the time.

They were tired. They couldn’t sleep. And I bet they were pretty anxious too.

This time of year always heightens my anxiety. So much to do. So many plans and things I want to do, along with the stuff that has to get done. My new job is amazing, but brings an intensity that I’m still learning to balance. I remain calm all day long, only to come home with projects and steps left undone to taunt me. And then there’s all the normal stuff that needs to be done, and the Holiday stuff, and the people and relationships that fill my mind with words unspoken and limited time to be with them despite my best attempts and wishes.

Yep, I have one Michael Andretti car mind!

I don’t do therapy to help me manage my anxiety. I have … and I absolutely endorse finding support and help when you’re struggling. There’s no shame in reaching out — no stigma attached to therapy. But me, I’ve found another source of strength to help … to guide me down from the ledge.

It’s yoga.

In that spirit, I dedicate this post to those instructors — my yogi-therapists — who have provided me with so many valuable tools to get through the longest nights … Much love and gratitude to Brittney, Sarah, Matt, Rob, Emily, Becky and most of all Suzanne and Marty.

Do you remember that Robert Fulgrum book: Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten? Well, as I rolled up my mat after a MUCH needed yoga session Saturday morning, I realized the same principles applied.

Let me pontificate a bit … 😉

1. Offer your best and let go of the rest.
2. No matter how hard the pose is, the difficult moment will end. Really.
3. And, that difficult moment IS really only a moment. I know it seems like forever in the middle of the night when worries dance around your head like sugarplums or when you’re trying to make it thru chair pose and your legs are shaking so hard you don’t know how you can hold it one more second. Yes, it seems like an eternity. But, that really hard pose — that really difficult “whatever” that is making you anxious — lasts only a moment.
4. Be yourself. Do your yoga. No one is looking at you and comparing their half moon pose to yours. Seriously, they are just trying to hold the balance themselves!
5. Child’s pose is always an option. Retreat. Restore. No one will judge you for that. A yoga mat is 24″ x 68″. It’s your Shelter. What you do there is about you and no one else.
6. Breathe …. that’s really what yoga is about. No matter what comes your way … what pose is thrown at you or what challenge you encounter or what difficulty sends your spirit reeling. Just Breathe.
7. Balance is difficult. Balancing is really frickin’ hard. On the mat. Off the mat.
8. Accept yourself and what you offer. You are the best you. Release judgement and celebrate your amazing-ness.
9. Be present.
10. Close your eyes. Release. Let it go. Yes, you can.
11. Choose your mantra — your focal message. Focus on it during the easy poses. Focus on it during the hard ones.
12. Shaking in a pose is really just your body requesting strength.
13. If it hurts … if it causes you to lose it, don’t do the pose. Getting upset because of a yoga pose is not worth it.
14. You never really know what’s coming next. Each class — each hour, day, week etc brings the unknown. You may think you know what’s next in the flow … but you really can’t predict it. All you can do is Breathe and take one pose at a time.
15. Know your truth. Honor who you are. It really is enough.
16. You aren’t alone. The room is surrounded by people and a supportive energy. Accept its help when you need it. Offer your energy and help to others … they just might need it too.
17. The real yoga begins when you walk out the door.

Tonight is a full moon. The night after the Solstice. I grounded myself today in yoga. I’m in a good place. But tonight, my sleep may still be is disrupted. The unexpected might hit me. And in the darkness of the night, my mind will bring a forest of dragons.

But tomorrow there is will be yoga. Last night, I went down to do some yoga on my living room floor. And I discovered my son was up too … he couldn’t sleep either. We offered each other a Hug of support and a smile. Whatever kept us up, well, it would pass. Eventually.

The Shepherds weren’t alone either that night outside Bethlehem. The sky filled with Angels … angels who had been there for them all their lives but chose to reveal themselves and their message that first Christmas Eve.

“Fear Not! For behold, I bring you tidings of great joy which will be to all the people …”  Luke 2: 10 (Note the Angels didn’t’ say “some” people or a specific people but ALL people.)

So,  I go to yoga. And I remember all I really have to do is Breathe. I don’t know what’s coming next. Just when I settle in to a pose — I LOVE Triangle — half moon, airplane, majorette and those balancing challenges come at me. My legs are shaking and I’m trying to remain calm. I wobble. I fall. But I can be brave … like the Shepherds. I can remember that even on the darkest night, Hope is vibrant and real. 

And I find calm. Or, rather, I choose calm. I’ve offered my best. Whether it’s good enough for someone else or this crazy world is sort of irrelevant. I can only be who I am.

So, maybe  I should say … All I really needed to know I learned in Yoga … and the Bible.

Namaste … and Merry Christmas.

                                                                                                                              Jenni